Warne bats for fatherland

In a recent shock admission, cricketing and sometime romantic legend Shane Warne has come clean about his German roots. Contemplating a life without cricket, the aging romeo has decided to exercise his right to take up German citizenship to play for England county side Hampshire.

Confused? So is Australia.

Warne is alleged to have said, "Look you jokers, this is the best option for me in the long run. I know I'll be renouncing my Australian citizenship for 40 silver, but how many bloody icons does a country really need?

"When it all comes down to brass tacks, a man's gotta do what feels right.

"Being German makes me feel like I'm finally at home. Look at why I always hated Herschel Gibbs for example. The name just sounds Jewish."

No wagging tales

French newsagents came out today in support of the decision of the NZRFU to ban WAGs (wives and girlfriends) from hotel rooms for the duration of the World Cup.

Alain DuFrost, head of the French newsprint society expressed extreme delight at the prospect of a large number of players and managers isolated from their partners for the duration.

"It is magnifique," DuFrost stated, "the All Blacks are highly paid professionals. This, along with the Australian curfew on players and their all-night drinking of the wine will ensure a roaring trade for French pornographers.

"We have doubled the price for this occasion."

Bayonne makes for a handful

Brian O'Driscoll discovered the pithy side of French rugby during a warm-up match with Bayonne this Thursday. The Irish crushed the side 42-6, but came away with a number of serious injuries, including O'Driscolls harbles.

"There must have been a translation problem," O'Driscoll stated to post-match interviewers, "the Bayonne were told the play the ball, and made a right royal mess of it."

In a match marred by numerous yellow cards O'Driscoll suffered a suspected broken cheekbone and Irish officials now find themselves concerned for his inclusion in the World Cup side.

"Brian's a wee bit worried, his missus has a almighty right hook" officials allegedly stated, "She said if he came home with evidence of a close encounter in France, there'd be trouble.

"The man's balls are the size of a bunch of grapes now. She's bound to be a little suspicious."

O'Driscoll is not expected to recover from the concussion before the beginning of the Cup.