The Paris Hilton: A great place to get banged up

The Dropkicks are keen as beans for the World Cup to roll around, as we're sure you all are as well. While the heartland well and truly pounding one another is always a worthy spectacle, we're looking forward to the sights and sounds of Paris being sent down the wire to us here in good old Enzed.

Mind you, what we won't be able to experience first hand are those intangible things. The food. The wine. The nightlife.

To compensate we're doing our best by trying to consume some good cheese, drink some good wine, and ponder the meaning of life in cafes.

It's a tough job, especially when you have to deal with stinky cheeses named "Artisanal". But someone has to carry the can.

After all, we reckon the All Blacks will like to know that we're not abandoning them to their fate their in Paris, city of lights.

The Dropkicks have been a little concerned however, especially since discovering this video. The questions we asked ourselves being, "what in the hell is this all about?"

and

"Wtf is that giant white dome thing?"

and

"Are the All Blacks being asked to sleep in a big tent for the duration of the cup?"

Watch for yourself.

Now, there's no sound... so... what the hell? What happened to the Hilton?

We did read somewhere that it's some kind of expo tent for New Zealand. Being Kiwis, and always insecure about our place in the world, someone is bound to half-fill that tent with helium, and have a few dozen people in "Steinlager Green" T-Shirts and jandals running about yelling "Kiwis aeh! We're ok!" in little squeaky voices.

Anyone who can confirm or deny that wee cultural cringe, or WTF is wrong with that video, is welcome to comment.

The Dropkicks - 2007 - Episode 24

The Dropkicks look back at the final and deciding game of the 2007 Tri-Nations series; the All Black selections for the upcoming Rugby World Cup; follow Scott Dixon's ongoing winning ways in Indy Car racing; corruption in the NBA refereeing circles; a moments silence for Jarrod Cunningham; and Dick and Athletes of the Week.

Download Episode 2007/24.

Yes. We had to get in on the act.

In the spirit of Te Wiki O Te Reo Māori we here at Dropkicks thought we'd bring you a little Te Reo.

A really little Te Reo.

In fact, a little, gingery, squeaky Te Reo.

Now, apparently every man and his dog has seen the video we're linking to, so, we, in the spirit of good humour, have decided to put it up here on the blog. Just in case your the only person who hasn't seen it yet.

Now, this does not mean that we endorse confectionery haka.

No. If some smart-arse tries to turn Te Kapa O Pango into a bunch of liquorice allsorts prancing about like they're gunna pwn the candy store... the Dropkicks will be calling the PC-Police.

This is our man here, to your right.

And why I hear you ask?

Because the Dropkicks take the Haka very seriously.

Almost as seriously, in fact, as the Tongan team shown below (about 40s in).


These guys know that the Haka is not to be trifled with.

And no... no friggin dancing trifles either...

So here's the video. Two million hits they reckon!

Stats-porn

Some stats from this weekend's match between the All Blacks and the Wallabies.

New Zealand gave up 5 penalties to Australia's 13!

NZ’s penalty offences:

Tackle (going off feet) = 1 (Robinson/McCaw)

Ruck (offside entry) = 2 (Woodcock/Oliver, McAlister)

Scrum (binding) = 1 (McCaw)

Obstruction/taking out player = 1 (Robinson/McCaw)

Australia's penalty offences:

Tackle = 4

Ruck (offside) = 2

Ruck (hands) = 1

Offside (general) = 2

Lineout (offside) = 1

Scrum (binding) = 2

Throwing ball away = 1

And now the all important First Three to the Breakdown
(* means they were a sub)

First 3 to Breakdown
McCaw	33 (15+18)
Hayman	30 (18+12)
Robinson	28 (16+12)
Jack	28 (13+15)
Woodcock	24 (12+12)
So'oialo	20 (7+13)
Collins	11 (4+7)
Mealamu*	9
Howlett	9 (5+4)
Oliver	7 (5+2)
Muliaina	7 (2+5)
Carter	6 (1+5)
Kelleher	5 (4+1)
McAlister	4 (1+3)
Toeava	4 (1+3)
Rokocoko	4 (1+3)
Evans*	1

For the complete stats go to Tracey Nelson's column on Haka.co.nz

Sweet Baby Jesus

Look, I'd like to say right now that I have a lot of respect for Byron Kelleher.

I really would.

But. I can't.

Frankly, while the guy might on the good day be on the ball like a fat man on a sandwich, this type of theatrics just plain pisses me off.

Look at him there, singing his little heart out. Woodcock is there too, saying, "Bloody good on you mate. Wrong words, but good on you for trying." Muliaina is kind of leaning away from Byron there though, and thinking, "Shit, busted on camera with this guy. Again."

But it is the anthem after all, a time for passion and damp eyes out there in the freezing rain when you know you're going to hand the Wallabies their arses on a plate.

The haka is something different though. Why in the hell TV cameramen insist on showing this idiot is completely beyond me...

Note to self guys, the haka is not about enthusiasm. Any damn fool can be enthusiastic.

The haka is about inner strength. It's about te wehi, the awesome power. It's about the frickin' eye of the tiger. That look that says, "I'm going to completely demolish you, your team, your coach, the team masseur, and that guy there carrying the water. Yeah... and just you try and stop me..."

It's not about some bloke waving his arms like an albatross before bursting into tears.

So do us all a favour and stop showing this embarrassment before every game. Focus on someone... anyone... but this. Please.

Crumbling standards

This is the most pathetic yet I reckon.

Wallabies Lock struck down by Deep Vein Thrombosis

The Wallabies have been forced into a late change for Saturday's Tri-Nations and Bledisloe Cup rugby test agains the All Blacks, with experienced No.8 David Lyons ruled out due to Deep Vein Thrombosis.

FFS!!!!!! it's only 2 centimetres apart!!!

They must have a team of monkeys working together on each story, none of whom know what the others are doing. No wait, thats mean to monkeys, even they know to throw their own shit out. Stuff continues to show a flagrant disregard for journalistic standards, starting right at the bottom with simple proof-reading. We have stated many examples both here on the blog and in the podcast.

I cant wait till Fairfax buy us out and we stand by and watch as the Dropkicks blogcast turns quickly and quietly to shyte.

The Hammer

The Dropkicks Discuss: Luke McAlister

Get ready for another brain-expanding installment of the Dropkicks' email conversation...

Che: Anyone believe this? McAllister Ready for Mortlock

Dom: Setting himself up for a big fall. I like the odds on Aussie. They are payin' four bucks!!! Could be worth a lazy $10.

Che: I keep thinking of the photo with him looking just plain scared.

Hadyn: I like it!

The All Blacks press commentary so far has been: "no we're ok" "I'm not a cheat" "ho ho we can still beat them ha ha"

What they need to be saying are things like:
"If the Aussies think they are so good why don't they stop cheating in the scrum?" and
"I am gonna fck up Mortlock so badly his family will need dental records to identify him"

Che: Spoken like someone who’s never been the little guy getting his ar$e handed to him by an evil wizard. [Hadyn has definitely been that person - ED]

Dom: Hey I thought Rocokoco wanted to be called Josevata from now on? Or has the lazy NZ media already decided that it cant be bothered.

Hadyn: I say the NZ Media couldn't think any puns or rhyming nicknames for Josevata ad went back to Joe.

and if McAlister made those claims then all he'd have to do is hit Mortlock once with a big frickin shoulder charge (Jacked. Up.) and it wouldn't matter what else he did (rather like Monsieur Chabal)

Che: Except for the consequent lack of a centre.

I can see you saying that the ABs need a bit more mongrel in them, but have you seen that ad with all the multi-coloured balls rolling down that hill?

One of them was McAlister bouncing off the evil wizard Mortlock.

Hadyn: Have you seen Mortlock?
He's not exactly Carl Hayman. And he's old, a quick shoulder to the jaw will keep him quiet.
As to McAlister's subsequent binning, well he's not really present at centre anyway (boom boom)

Che:I still think McAlister will trip over Mortlock’s zimmer frame before he gets anywhere near the guy.

The Dropkicks - 2007 - Episode 23

The Dropkicks review the penultimate game of the 2007 Tri-Nations (All Blacks v. South Africa at Christchurch), and discuss: a World Cup revamp; MLB's All-Stars game; F1 secret stealing; competitive eating (Kobayashi loses!); a javelin getting stuck in a long jumper; MLF v. MILF; and ... other stuff.


Download Episode 2007/23.

Kobayashi v. Joey Chestnut @ 2007 Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest - video highlights

As mentioned in the soon-to-be-released episode 23 of the podcast, here's the footage of Joey Chestnut's first ever victory over eating legend Takeru Kobayashi, at the 2007 Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest.

All Black Test Winning Streaks By City

These lists were taken from the Stuff website today.

All Blacks game streaks at test rugby cities:

Longest unbeaten streaks:

17: Auckland (1994-present)

14: Dunedin (1971-2001)

13: Christchurch (1977-94), Edinburgh (1905-present)

12: Brisbane (1929-92)

11: Sydney (1934-74), Auckland (1986-93)


Longest losing streaks:

4: Johannesburg (1949-76)

3: Cardiff (1905-1953), Durban (1928- 76), Sydney (1979-80)


Unbeaten streak at Auckland:

1994: drew with South Africa 18-18

1995: bt Canada 73-7, bt Australia 28-16

1996: bt Scotland 36-12

1997: bt South Africa 55-35

1998: bt England 40-10

1999: bt Australia 34-15

2000: bt Scotland 48-14

2001: bt South Africa 26-15

2002: bt Ireland 40-8

2003: bt Australia 21-17

2004: bt England 36-12

2005: bt British and Irish Lions 38-19, bt Australia 34-24

2006: bt Ireland 27-17, bt Australia 34-27

2007: bt France 42-11.

Wow, this means that the All Blacks have outscored their opponents in Auckland 630-277. And we have outscored or tri-nations rivals 44-33 (Sth Africa) and 151-99 (Aussie).

Note also that our winning streaks in Auckland and Edinburgh can get larger but none of losing streaks can. Sweet.

Media Scrum Replaces Actual Scrum

Jake White and John "Knuckles" Connelly have played the entire Tri-Nations so far in the press room firing salvos at the All Blacks (in what I believe is an attempt to have us on the backfoot come the World Cup).

Every day the sports news is just the latest Wallaby or Springbok press conference:

• Richie McCaw is a bad captain because he’s penalised too often
• Richie McCaw cheats too much and never gets penalised*
• The All Blacks worry too much about attacking and should concentrate on defence
• The All Blacks are too focussed on the winning the World Cup to win the World Cup
• The rotation policy is [insert adjective]

As you can see from my (grossly oversimplified and biased) list, the statements tend towards the ridiculous. The real problem seems to be that the press, both local and foreign, are running with these stories like they are fact. So much so that they have begun to predict the future.

Perhaps the worst thing is the local media running with these stories (like they are fact and not opinion) and putting unneeded and undeserved pressure on our team.

Before the Super 14 semi-finals the Crusaders were blasé about comments from the Bulls and were joking around confidently. The All Blacks have been the same before both the Wallaby and Springbok tests and have played very poorly.

Here is what I hope happens. We get angry.

We play the next few games (and all the World Cup games) like we did against England after the last Cup. We smash them. We play fast and angry. We hit them right up the middle and punch them in the lineout and ruck them and hurt them. But what we shouldn’t do is respond to them in the press room.

*Note: in the last test the penalty count was nine against NZ and nine against SA with McCaw being the cause of two of them.

Another Announcement from Africa

The Springbok’s plan for press conferences this year seems to be to just say whatever shit comes to the top of their heads.

The Springboks are now considering performing an old Zulu war dance to match the All Blacks' haka at the Rugby World Cup.

South African coach Jake White said, "The history books show that the 1926 Springboks performed a Zulu war dance in major matches on their tour.

"This is no gimmick, it is a part of our rugby history and tradition. I have heard old All Blacks sit in the grandstand and pick up the whole mood of the team just from the haka. All I am saying is that maybe it is time we revived a genuine tradition from the past of South African rugby."

White seems to be defending this a little too much. “No, no really, it’s genuine!”

But here is where White just starts making shit up. He claimed the Springboks were closer to tradition with their challenge than New Zealand was with the haka.

So the Springboks did this on one tour back in 1926 and the All Blacks have been performing Ka Mate continuously since the 1880s, but the Springboks are somehow closer to it? What about the new Kapa O Pango, a haka that was written especially for the team?

I look forward to seeing this war dance and hope it will bring some fiery responses from the likes of Tonga, Samoa and Fiji as well as New Zealand. The traditional nationalism of rugby is often what sets it apart in the sports world. England has its Sweet Chariots, Wales it’s Bread of Heaven, the Pacific nations have their various haka and siva tau, Australia has (for some reason) Waltzing Matilda. Other teams adopting their own national symbolism would be amazing and help the ailing international tests.

Perhaps the French could have a bottle of wine or the Irish could sip a Guinness, that would be great.

Alternative Rugby Commentary - promo

The latest bit of genius from the guys over at the Alternative Rugby Commentary...

Bulls 2 - Runners 0

The Running of the Bulls is an annual bit of animal cruelty that takes part in Pamplona, Spain, as part the nine-day festival of San Fermín.

This year's highlights included a fantastic goring of a couple of gormless American brothers, speared by a bull at the same time - and nearly in the same bit of anatomy.

As you can see, Michael Lenahan took a horn up the arse (or 'buttocks' as reported by the Cleveland Leader), but brother Lawrence failed to complete the symmetry of the moment by only allowing the rampaging bovine to stab him in the upper leg.



A photo which brings new meaning to the phrase - 'I'm gonna rip you a new arsehole'.

More pix here.

Priority No.1

There's been a lot of talk about who should and shouldn't be in the line-up for this weeks test against the Wallabies.

A few fans here have decided the one player that has to be there is Haymans Beard.

If you're also thinking that gillette can go stick their sponsorship, head over to this site and register your vote.

Now.

Before they have him exfoliating and doing yoga.

(h/p - Spare Room)

More relevant dropkicks banter

Che - Do you remember a certain conversation with Dom's bro in Concrete? (This is regarding a concussion that I possibly suffered in a football match about two months ago – My brother plays in the same team and the big mouth had to go and tell everybody)

Hadyn - Ha! That's right. How black is the kettle Mr Pot?

Dom - Yes but I wasn’t going out to run at 120 kg brick walls and have them run at me. Oh and my concussion didn’t come courtesy of me head-butting a Mack truck called Tonie.
And the opposition had no way of knowing I’d been possibly concussed the week before. Unlike the 17 NSW players who had witnessed... as he tackled Blues prop Brent Kite, and was clearly concussed as he was assisted from the field by the Maroons' training staff.
Everyone witnessed it. Including the Queensland medical staff. My "doctor" diagnosed me based entirely on my testimony. I could go describe all the symptoms of a broken leg right now and he'd chuck me in a cast no x-ray needed.

I stand by my disdain of the Qld medical officials and Dallas Johnson. (and now im backed up by 'professionals')

Che - Dude. We saw you after that head-smack. In fact, *days* after that head-smack. And you were clearly concussed. So… your justification for playing soccer with that concussion is that the doctor believed you when you described your obvious discussion. You need to send that law degree back to Sanitarium.

Dom - Oh was I clearly concussed was I?
And how exactly would you know that, Tibby? Was it because I told you? Or were you drawing on a lifetime of patients coming to you and telling you they had a headache and didn’t think they could/should go to work?

Maybe you should watch a bit more ER and less Grey’s Anatomy.

And what’s wrong with Sanitarium University? It has a great alumni programme. And clearly you’ve put your Sanitarium Uni degree in medicine to good use.
:-P

Hadyn - "And how exactly would you know that". How bout the minute long pauses between sentences, the blabbing on nonsensically, the slight drooling, forgetting things you'd just said... actually how did we know?

Dom - I rest my case. No wait... case closed.

Darwin awards nomination

This story comes from last nights dead rubber State of Origin rugby league match played last night. NSW won 18-4.

The Maroons' performance will be remembered as one of their bravest, not least because of the performance of lock Dallas Johnson, who returned to the field after being concussed in the first tackle of the game.

This isnt brave, its bloody stupid. One more heavy knock and he could have died. The meidcal people who let him back out need to be sacked. It was negligent and irresponsible. To put the other players on the field in that position is unfair. Would you want to be the guy who delivered the tackle that killed him?

Johnson's head appeared to hit teammate Tonie Carroll as he tackled Blues prop Brent Kite, and was clearly concussed as he was assisted from the field by the Maroons' training staff.

But he returned early in the second half and tackled heroically. Of Johnson's effort, Meninga said: "It was pretty hard to keep him off the field. As you could see, he wanted to stay on after it happened. They all want to play for the Maroon jersey."

Use a gun. Shoot him in the leg and tell him that either way he might DIE. He's just not asking one of his team mates or opponents to deliver the killer blow.

A response to David Moffett.

The South African Rugby Union (SARU) is "an absolute disgrace" and the Springboks should be kicked out of the Tri-Nations, says David Moffett, one of the chief architects of SANZAR.

[David Moffett] is a loud-mouth who gave us some “absolutely disgraceful” rugby tournaments and should be kicked, says Hadyn Green, one of the chief architects of The Dropkicks.

Moffett, the former head of New Zealand and Wales rugby unions, told the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper New Zealand and Australia had to cut South Africa from the next television deal, and instead play more trans-Tasman matches. He claimed that it’s because “the players are just getting killed by all the travel”. But in his column for The Press he reveals his true reason.

“We are led to believe that all three SANZAR countries had agreed to field their strongest teams, and in fact NZ and Australia had sent their best available players to South Africa and filled the stadia and coffers of SARU.

What was the response of our supposed partner? They waited until after the second test and selected a B team.

Selfishness seems to be the order of the day in the professional rugby era and perhaps now is the time for Australia and NZ to play that game."

Wow, so instead of realising that there’s a problem brewing in international test rugby and sitting down with our closest neighbours to discuss what’s to be done, we should instead cut all ties with them. Yeah, let’s get them before they get us!

Instead, and I might just be crazy here, perhaps SANZAR should get together and exert some pressure on the IRB. Let’s see them turn a decent profit without the three southern giants. Moreover we should be embracing Argentina right now. The Argies are #6 at the moment giving us four southern hemisphere teams in the top 6. SAANZAR? SANZAAR? SAAAAR? (if New Zealand becomes Aotearoa)

I mean there is even the possibility that if we don’t throw a tantrum we could figure out a revenue sharing deal within SANZAR.

Finally, Moffett said the Super 14 tournament should be disbanded and replaced by a Super 10 competition with five New Zealand teams and five Australian teams. He told the Morning Herald that when expansion was required, national teams from the Pacific Islands (based in Australia and New Zealand) should be included.

If that doesn’t convince you that Moffett is high I don’t know what will. “When expansion is required”?! Pacific Island teams based in Aussie and New Zealand? The Super 14 needs a whalloping big kick in the bollocks but not like that.

Recent discussions have circulated on a global season. This would, most likely, require the Super 14 to change to being a winter tournament over lapping the Air NZ Cup with the international season being starting in late February.

South Africa has been quite nice to us recently I don’t see kicking them out of SANZAR as being a solution to anything. So please David, you’ve had your chance, now be quiet.

Quote of the Week

...goes to Thames Valley captain Steven Hill, whose team got trounced 69-0 by North Harbour in the first Ranfurly Shield challenge of 2007. The NZ Herald carries his thoughts on the the possible reasons for his team's heavy loss...

The 5.35pm Saturday kick-off, Hill suggested, hadn't really suited his side.

"We're normally pissed by then," he admitted.

The Dropkicks - 2007 - Episode 21

Man, don't you hate it when you post the podcast after the weekend, thereby making your picks look all the more foolish. Yeah, me too.

Anyway, the Dropkicks look back at the South Africa v. All Blacks test match from the weekend before last, look forward to the Australia v. All Blacks game that has just happened (you'll never guess who we picked to win!), the Netball final between the Sting and Force, some player movements (phnarr!), and dick and athletes of the week.

Download Episode 2007/21.