World Cup Country Profiles - Canada

The real title of this piece is "Oh Canada! or I Learned Everything I Know About Canada and Canadian Rugby from Wikipedia".

As a major country within the British Empire, Canada has to play rugby. It's mandatory. India and Pakistan get away with it by playing cricket really well. The Canadians were caught trying their hands at cricket just recently, but have some way to go to be taken even half seriously there. So really it's rugby that keeps them in the Commonwealth. They've been a staple at all five World Cups so far, and of course are about to embark on their sixth campaign. And they regularly whomp their nextdoor neighbour, the USA, which must be particularly satisfying.

It's probably lucky for the rest of the rugby world that Canadians would far rather play ice hockey than rugby. For some reason, they're hooked on the game that is really just organised fighting with sticks, helmets (sometimes), a puck and knives on your boots. Ice hockey players look down on rugby players as pussies. Whereas in New Zealand mums pull their kids out of rugby and make them play football because rugby's too dangerous for widdle pumpkin-y-wumpkin-y, in Canada mums/moms pull their kids out of ice hockey and make them play rugby. So when it comes to picking and choosing from the best athletes in the country, Canadian rugby often doesn't have quite the selection that other countries might have.

In fact, and no offence to the Canadians, it's quite hard to think of many outstanding Canadian players. Their best known player would arguably be Gareth Rees, the big-kicking first-five eighth (or fly-half, for all you northerners). Rees wouldn't have looked out of place in most first fifteens around the world. Their big number 8, Al Charron, also comes to mind. As does front rower, Rod Snow. However, Rees and Charon are not pulling on their playing boots any more, and Snow is not as young as he used to be. The current crop of players do not light the recognition registers in most rugby fans around the world.

Although do look out for giant winger Justin Mensah-Coker, standing 6ft 5in (or 195cm) and weighing 16 and a half stone (or 106kg). And then there's the equally ginormous, and just as stupendously named, Mike Pyke (196cm and 104kg). Pyke also plays on the wing, or he can swap to fullback where opposing players need to come prepared with step-ladders to out-jump him on those up-and-unders. Pyke scored an intercept try against the All Blacks in Hamilton this year. If there's one thing the Canadians won't lack, it's size.

So, Canada are a bit of an enigma when it comes to rugby. They're not a third-tier minnow, but sometimes don't quite seem like a second-tier team; probably something to do with having their top players playing in overseas leagues and not getting them back for every match. When they do fire, the Canucks can pick up the odd impressive scalp or two: a 26-24 win over Wales in 1993 (at Cardiff Arms Park, no less!), an 18-16 win over France in 1994 (the year, it should be noted, of the "try from the ends of the earth": the French left Canada to clinch a two-zip test series win over the All Blacks in New Zealand with one of the greatest tries ever seen), a 26-23 win over Scotland in 2002, a couple of wins over Argentina and a 27-all draw against Ireland in 2000.

Canada also had a very good world cup in 1991: they finished second in their pool behind France and won the right to play New Zealand in the quarterfinals. Everybody expected a hiding by the Blacks, but the Canucks showed fighting spirit in only losing by 29 points to 13.

Canada's results in 2007, unfortunately, don't really point to them being a force this time around: a couple of hidings to the NZ Māori 59-23 and the All Blacks 64-13, plus another beating by Ireland A in the Churchill Cup, 39-20, versus some hidings in the other direction: a 40-point drubbing of the States plus two easy wins over Portugal. So it seems they're very much in the middle at the moment. It must be said that in their game against the All Blacks, the Canucks held their own for much of the game, and gave up their points grudgingly. They displayed a typical hard-nosed attitude that should serve them well. However, the lack of true game-breakers will tell, and they will struggle to make the quarterfinals this year.

The Canucks play Wales first up at Stade de la Beaujoire in Nantes on 9 September (a loss), followed by Fiji at the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff on 16 September (I'm picking a win, although should be close: Fiji are ranked 12th in the world, Canada 13th), then Japan at Stade Chaban-Delmas in Bordeaux on 25 September (a win) and finally Australia at the same venue on 29 September (unfortunately for the Canadians, a hiding). They should come third in their pool - not quite good enough for a quarterfinal spot.

Warne bats for fatherland

In a recent shock admission, cricketing and sometime romantic legend Shane Warne has come clean about his German roots. Contemplating a life without cricket, the aging romeo has decided to exercise his right to take up German citizenship to play for England county side Hampshire.

Confused? So is Australia.

Warne is alleged to have said, "Look you jokers, this is the best option for me in the long run. I know I'll be renouncing my Australian citizenship for 40 silver, but how many bloody icons does a country really need?

"When it all comes down to brass tacks, a man's gotta do what feels right.

"Being German makes me feel like I'm finally at home. Look at why I always hated Herschel Gibbs for example. The name just sounds Jewish."

World Cup Country Profiles - Wales

Although everyone knows it, it bears repeating: Wales invented singing, phlegm, Tom Jones, singing with phlegm and Barry John, in that order.

The Singing

One of the must-do experiences of world rugby, nay world sport, is to be at the Millennium Stadium (Stadiwm y Mileniwm, nee Cardiff Arms Park the National Stadium) for a Wales v New Zealand rugby match. (Update: thanks Miramar Michael; Cardiff Arms Park is still with us; the Dropkicks' lack of research skills strikes again!) With any luck, Byron Kelleher won't be part of the haka, but even he at his patriotic worst wouldn't be able to be noticed above the strains of "Bread of Heaven", which will be emanating from 80,000 Welsh mouths and moving air at pressures usually reserved for jumbo jets and jackhammers.

The Phlegm

When in Wales, or around Welshmen, always keep an umbrella handy, especially if the locals, or other said Welshmen, insist on conversing in their mother tongue. You just try saying Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch without needing to rehydrate halfway through. A towel would not go astray either. Had the Earth not been destroyed by the Vogon Constructor Fleet, its odds on that Douglas Adams would have mentioned the humble towel in just such a phlegm-negating capacity.

Tom Jones

Well, he's just a sex-bomb, boyo.

Singing with Phlegm

Take a towel with you to the Millennium Stadium.

Barry John

Ah, here we go. Actually, I could have replaced Barry John with JPR Williams, or Gareth Edwards, Mervyn Davies, Phil Bennett. Heck, any one of the team from the Golden Age in the 1970s. Six Five Nations trophies. Grand Slams. Triple Crowns. The glory years. The years Wales would dearly love to be repeated.

If there is any country even remotely like New Zealand when it comes to the spirituality of rugby, it is Wales. Some say it is the sheep. Some say it is the effect of being the neighbour of a bigger country that tends to ignore you, or at least pats you on the head patronisingly whenever you produce your latest seaside crayon masterpiece with birds that look like m's. Some say it is the green rolling hills. Some say it's Graham Henry, the Great Redeemer. No one says it's the coal mines. And it's definitely not the singing. (If there's one thing a group of New Zealand supporters can do, it's suck the sound out of the opposing supporters. We're so un-noisy we actively consume sound waves.)

Whatever the reason for our relative sameness, rugby has merely reinforced the notion. We both found we had a want for the game, and we both had the physical and mental attributes to command fear in the opposition's eyes. Had the World Cup been invented 80 years ago, the three countries most engraved upon the trophy would be New Zealand, South Africa and Wales. Wales used to be that good.

I say "used to" because, although the All Blacks still make other teams yearn to be elsewhere when playing them, the Welsh have spent the last 25 years working out how best to position themselves on their downward slide. It is doubtful that the average Welsh fan looks back at the last couple of decades with much nostalgia. Sure, there were some high points: Five Nations' crowns in 1988 and 1994 and a Six Nations' crown in 2005. And then there were 10 wins in a row in the late 1990s: a resurgence that never really caught on. But in the main, Wales has suffered terribly at the hands of the Big Five nations, and has found its pride battered as it has struggled against supposed minnows.

Will the class of '07 be able to reverse the downward slide? Not on the Welsh team's results so far this year. Equal bottom of the Six Nations with Scotland. Below Italy. Ouch. A loss to Italy. Double ouch. A loss to Scotland. Oof. A record loss to England in a warm-up match, and although this was a Welsh team without many of its top players, it can only have been psychologically damaging. Thok. Wales also had two losses on the road in Australia: one they could perhaps have won with an ounce more luck, but in the other they got thumped. Kapow. One positive has been their most recent win over Argentina, 27-20. Is this the beginning of yet another Welsh rennaisance, or was it just a game they were lucky to win and life will go on as it has these past 25 years?

Wales are in Pool B, and start their campaign against the Canadians at Stade la Beaujoire on Sunday 9 September. They then travel back home to Cardiff and the Millennium Stadium to face Australia on Saturday 15 September. They then travel precisely nowhere to play Japan on Thursday 20 September. Their final pool match is against Fiji, back at Stade la Beaujoire on Saturday 29 September. It's hard not to see them finishing second in that pool and heading off to Marseille and playing (and probably getting thumped by) South Africa in the third quarterfinal.

No wagging tales

French newsagents came out today in support of the decision of the NZRFU to ban WAGs (wives and girlfriends) from hotel rooms for the duration of the World Cup.

Alain DuFrost, head of the French newsprint society expressed extreme delight at the prospect of a large number of players and managers isolated from their partners for the duration.

"It is magnifique," DuFrost stated, "the All Blacks are highly paid professionals. This, along with the Australian curfew on players and their all-night drinking of the wine will ensure a roaring trade for French pornographers.

"We have doubled the price for this occasion."

World Cup Country Profiles - Namibia

I hate to burst the bubble of any dedicated fans out there, but Namibia are not going to win the World Cup. If a recent 103-13 loss to South Africa is anything to go by, Namibia are a side that exists for two reasons. Two potentially provide South Africa with players, and to provide South Africa with statistics to inflate the careers of those players...

All that said, the Welwitschias are a feisty team made up of of what looks to be the same German-Dutch stock who colonised South Africa.

In other words, big, ugly, squared-headed bastards who like their meat dried in a cage.

Yes. So just when you thought one country full of these buggers was enough, it turns out it gave birth to another in 1990.

Namibia kicks off their short stint at the World Cup with an September 9 opener against Ireland. They are then playing France on September 16, Argentina on September 22, and thrash Georgia on September 26. Maybe.

Bayonne makes for a handful

Brian O'Driscoll discovered the pithy side of French rugby during a warm-up match with Bayonne this Thursday. The Irish crushed the side 42-6, but came away with a number of serious injuries, including O'Driscolls harbles.

"There must have been a translation problem," O'Driscoll stated to post-match interviewers, "the Bayonne were told the play the ball, and made a right royal mess of it."

In a match marred by numerous yellow cards O'Driscoll suffered a suspected broken cheekbone and Irish officials now find themselves concerned for his inclusion in the World Cup side.

"Brian's a wee bit worried, his missus has a almighty right hook" officials allegedly stated, "She said if he came home with evidence of a close encounter in France, there'd be trouble.

"The man's balls are the size of a bunch of grapes now. She's bound to be a little suspicious."

O'Driscoll is not expected to recover from the concussion before the beginning of the Cup.

Chabal wins the day for France

Our favourite Frenchman Sebastien Chabal scores a decisive late try in France's rugby win over England (held at Twickenham) over the weekend. (Final score: 16-21)

The Dropkicks - 2007 - Episode 26

More analysis of the Air NZ Cup (NZ's provincial rugby competition); Australia's late-night pre-World Cup training; French rugby coach Laporte insinuates All Blacks and English are on drugs; Jake Brown's 30ft skateboard fall; Alex Rodriguez gets to 500 baseball homers in record time; Swede Stefan ... something ... wins the 100m freestyle in sub-48 seconds; ex All Black Ofisa Tonu'u sorts out someone suffering from air-rage; NRL player Sonny Bill Williams loses his BMW; EA Sports annoy gamers by only releasing Rugby 2007 on PS2/PC; another NRL player - Brad Morrin - gets a citing for biting; and rugby player Rico Gear abandons Tasman...

Download Episode 2007/26.

The Dropkicks - 2007 - Episode 25

The Dropkicks get into the swing of the 2007 Air NZ Cup; the Tour de France (aka Tour de Farce); Good deeds done by Curtis Martin; Iraq's win in the Asian Cup; bad 'fan' behaviour in the NRL (league) and NFL (american football); NFL player impersonations; and NRL players other than Willie Mason that the Dropkicks hate.

Download Episode 2007/25.

Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind

Following in the vein of The Mouth of the South, I thought Id throw together a 15 as well.

This is the inaugural "All Black what ever happened to .... 15" (cue stirring, reflective type music). Recent All Blacks who never quite made it, and have since faded into some type of obscurity. Maybe they fell out of favour with a particular coach. Perhaps they were groomed to take the spot of a legend but when their time finally came, someone younger and better had caught them up and passed them by. Maybe they got injured, forgotten and left our fine shores to take the money overseas. It’s an interesting list.

15 - Fullback: Ben Blair (2002)

14 - Wing: Bruce Reihana (2000)

13 - Centre: Mark Robinson (2002)

12 - Second Five-eighth: Keith Lowen (2002)

11 - Wing: Norman Berryman (1998)

10 - First Five-eighth: David Hill (2006)

9 - Halfback: Danny Lee (2002)

8 - Number Eight: Ron Cribb (2001)

7 - Openside Flanker: Sam Harding (2002)

6 - Blindside Flanker: Sam Broomhall (2002)

5 - Lock: Royce Willis (2002)

4 - Lock: Simon Maling (2004)

3 - Prop: Clarke Dermody (2006)

2 - Hooker: Mark Hammett (2003)

1 - Prop: Campbell Johnston (2005)

Halfback was the real tough one, with names such as Mark "Sharky" Robinson and Steve Devine also baring consideration. Also I took some liberties with Broomhall, who primarily played number 8 for Canterbury. We haven’t gone through many blindsiders that aren’t still in the team. It appears it was a popular spot for the captain (Randall, Thorne, Blackadder).

Man, having a look back, it appears that 2002 was a bad year for All Black careers.

World Cup Diversions - Drinking Games

As our loyal listeners know the Dropkicks are all about moderation. However, the World Cup is a big event (the largest world TV-audience behind the Olympics and Football World Cup, so they say) and what event isn't enhanced with drinking?

Luckily those crazy kids on Facebook have been hard at work devising a very complicated set of rules for a World Cup Drinking Game. The 30-or-so rules are very Anglo-centric and the usually involve drinking two fingers of beer:
- Finish your drink as soon as Martin Corry’s nose cut opens up.
- Everytime a commentator goes over the top about Johnny Wilkinson, when he makes a regulation tackle or pass.
- If Charlotte Church is mentioned, finish your drink.

So in the interest of taking ideas and making them better the Dropkicks have made their own International* World Cup Drinking Game (the standard for each is one swig):

1. Drink everytime a sub is shown on a warm-up bike


2. Finish your drink if punches are thrown


3. Drink everytime a presenter/commentator mentions that England are world champions


4. Drink everytime a player's nickname is used in place of their real name


5. Finish your drink if you catch a player crying when there national anthem is being played


6. Drink everytime a Nation's "unofficial" anthem is heard or seen (The Haka, Bread of Heaven, Siva Tau, Swing Low Sweet Chariots etc)


7. Streaker – finish your drink (for every security guard avoided, add 1 more)


8. Drink for every scrum won against the head


9. Drink for swear word mouthed by a player during the game


10. Drink for every kick at goal that misses. Finish your drink if the commentators jinxed it ("He hasn't missed all night")
    

SPECIAL DROPKICKS RULE!!!

• If the word dropkick(s) is said by anyone, everyone must drink

"Special Dedication" drinks will also be had for impressive on-field acts (tries, tackles, 45m+ kick attempts, broken records etc).

*this means "International Drinking Rules" too, no pointing, no saying "drink" etc etc.

Also if you'd like to join the Dropkicks group on Facebook please do.

All-Unwanted First 15

Every time an All Black squad is announced (or any international team really) there is a rumbling about who was left out. This is the sign of great depth in your country’s rugby stock. However, it also leads to speculation.

What if…?

Below I have compiled below is the team of those “what ifs”. Players not chosen, for various reasons, who I think would still make a bloody good team.

15 - Sonsene Anesi - Christian Cullen misses out again
14 - Rico Gear - Rico may not have will to play for the province that’s paying him but is still good on the wing
13 - Tana Umaga Anthony Tuitavaki - that would’ve been nice but I’ll settle for the younger gent who is just hitting his straps
12 - Ma’a Nonu - at inside centre where he has less of a chance to drop the ball and his crashing momentum is a real asset
11 - Scott Hamilton - a big lanky white dude on the wing that we can call Scott-rod Hamiltron, choice!
10 - Glen Jackson - British Player of the Year who really deserved a shot at the All Blacks two years ago ahead of Stephen Donald
9 - Piri Weepu - it’d be fairly mean not to say Piri Weepu here (unless Waikato have got another halfback)
8 - Mose Tuiali’i - incumbent #8 a while ago and showed good form in the Super 14
7 - Marty Hollah - still bloody good
6 - Jonno Gibbes (C) - Has recovered from injury to be back to top form
5 - Ross Filipo - the recent internationals have shown that Filipo can hold his own against the big guys
4 - Troy Flavell - one of the people contentiously dropped from the All Blacks and even though I’m not fond of his penalty count, I’d still have him
3 - John Schwalger - owned by Hawkes Bay but only because he didn’t want to get punched
2 - Corey Flynn - a young man being groomed to take over from the old men after the World Cup
1 - John Afoa - a hungry prop is the best kind of prop and John Afoa is hungry like he accidentally skipped lunch

Feel free to disagree with me, discuss my sanity, in the comments.

World Cup Country Profiles - Japan

Daisuke Ohata. Ever heard of him? What about David Campese? What if I told you that Ohata has more test tries than Campese?

That’s right the holder of the record for most test tries is Japanese. And you know what else? He’s captaining their World Cup squad! That’s right you may get to see the world’s greatest try scorer score another.

But Ohata is not the only reason to be excited about the Japanese. They play a very exciting rugby style. It’s expansive and fast, modeled, I believe, on the French style of play (without the punching). The only problem is that they aren’t very good at it.

New coach (and kiwi legend) John Kirwan has declared his intention from the outset to pursue a Japanese brand of rugby which expresses the "Samurai Spirit", and he wants to win at least two games in RWC 2007. However, if the 2007 Pacific Nations Cup is anything to go by (see the table here), the Japanese have a bit of work to do.

I traveled to Tokyo last year and the one thing I can definitely say about the Japanese is that they are enthusiastic. The quietest time was 2am on a Tuesday morning and the streets were still not empty. The Japanese have so much energy that you begin to suspect they are actually cyborgs powered by little micro-reactors, and let’s be honest, its Japan it could be true. They work 9 hours a day, they drink until they can barely walk, they play pachinko like there’s a point to it and then they go scream themselves hoarse at sports. The Japanese are the ones who put the “fanatic” back into “fan” (you know what I mean).


No one, unfortunately, expects Japan to get past the pool stage of this World Cup (not the case back in the late 80’s when they could match/beat Wales and Scotland). But they could run a few teams close like Fiji or Canada and they could offer an upset over Wales, given the recent Welsh form. The new policy at the JRFU is ATQ or Advance To The Quarterfinals. Which is where they want the team to be in 2011. So we'll have to wait. Of course by then the Japanese may exist solely on some immense neural-network while androids replace the physical players.


So what should you look out for? That man Daisuke Ohata, possessor of the Samurai Spirit.

Japan can expect big problems first up when they take on Australia in Lyon on September 8. On the 12th they play Fiji in Toulouse, on the 20th, then they meet Wales in Cardiff (assuming the foot and mouth thing calms down) on the 20th. Japan round out their cup with Canada on the 25th in Bordeaux.

World Cup Profile: Ireland

I like Ireland, and the Irish. Despite what you might think/may have heard/or experienced, the Irish are the least offensive people in the world. Ever since they declared their neutrality in world affairs they have gone out of their way to make sure they don’t offend anyone. After controversially allowing the USSR to use Shannon Airport for military transport purposes during the Cuban Missile Crisis, they happily allowed the USA to use the same airport as a staging post for supply and bombing runs into Afghanistan and in both the First Gulf War and the 2003 invasion of Iraq. No doubt if the Iraqis ever needed to use the airport for any reason, they would find the Irish waiting with fuel for their planes, emerald green burkhas for their women, and “special” Guinness for their thirsty lads.

Careful never to upset anybody, the Irish have been at pains to counter any win over anybody with a well engineered loss* and vice versa. Ireland own a wonderful win 41% of-the-time, lose 54% of-the-time record. About even really if you take out the matches against the ABs. They need to beat the French, English, Australians and amazingly Namibia (against whom they own a shocking one win two loss record) pretty consistently over the next decade to balance the ledger with those teams. Conversely they’re due to lose a few against the likes of Italy, Samoa, Canada, Fiji and (dark horses) Georgia (WoooooOOOOoooooOOOO Georgia).

Worryingly should they meet Romania in the latter stages of the cup, I suggest putting your money on the Transylvanians after the Irish spanked them by 50 points in 1986 and the Irish may be seaking to right some wrongs. Their most recent competitive matches a 17-20 loss to France and a 43-13 win over England suggest at the world cup a win over Le Bleus in pool play followed by a convincing loss to the Rose in the latter stages of the competition.

Despite this and my opening statement, the Irish cannot be written off. Its possible, that over a long session at the pub they've agreed that if they decide to go ahead and beat everyone and win the cup, they can spend the next three years evening up the record books. They are not the favourites but I declare them myofficial dark horse.

They have strung together some very convincing results of late.
1. They were denied this years six nations by late bit of French brilliance in Dublin and then a piece of very poor scheduling on behalf of the six nations organist that allowed the French to know what was required of them in their final match against the Scotties.
2. They convincingly beat England, Wales, Scotland and Italy, capturing the triple crown along the way.
3. They have pushed the All Blacks close and have a fairly respectable record against the Boks and the Crooks over the last 8 years, particularly in the northern hemisphere.
4. They have arguably the worlds best centre pairing and a three-quarter line boasting some of the quickest white boys in world rugby. Their pack is filled with class including Malcolm O’Kelly and Paul O’Connell.
5. The Irish always have a fine tradition of strong leadership and this year is now exception. Centre Brian O'Driscoll is the best at his position in the world and leads by example.

They will test some, they will push others, they will score some very entertaining tries, and once again will have the most popular fans in the competition. Sadly however, my Irish eyes will be crying as the Emeralds again go home empty handed, albeit with many new friends, and expected victories over England and Argentina in 2008.

The Irish play Namibia Sept 10, Georgia Sept 16, France Sept 22, and Argentina Oct 1 in what could be the match that decides the final places in the group of death. Despite France playing at home, the Argies and the Irish will both put in a very strong showing and automatic qualification for the second round by the French is far from assured. This will definitely be the group to watch.

Player to watch: Captain and the world's best centre, Brian O'Driscoll.


LATE BREAKING NEWS: On the good news front though. We have word of the Irish settling on a dance to rival the Haka should they meet New Zealand at any stage during the Cup. It's pictured below, with a Irish player facing off a fearsome beast.



Probably a good thing Andrew Hore wasn't there.

World Cup Country Profiles - Fiji

Much like Tonga or Samoa, Fiji is one of the countries New Zealanders like to think of as our friendly neighbourhood. Our backyard as it were. Our backyard where fantastic players seem to grow on trees. Fantastic players who we poach, put in a fancy All Black uniform, and then never let play for their own side again.

But that's competition for you.

The question for this World Cup is whether Fiji can convert its skill in the seven-man game to the fifteen. After all, Fiji seriously loves its rugby. When the most recent coup was about to take place, the current dictator decided to pause the take-over of the country... for a game.

But hey, it is the national sport after all.

Fiji's style has been described as "razzle-dazzle", which is kind of a nice way of saying they run fast and move the ball lots. And while this is a great way to play Sevens, they're unlikely to be able to apply the pressure of a highly-trained side.

If it's any measure, even at their own level in the Pacific Rugby Cup the game is dominated by Samoa. Fiji made the finals last year but fell short this year after a difficult season.

Once again, this is probably a combination of being a 2nd tier side under recruitment pressure from the Big Brothers New Zealand and Australia.

Regardless, Fiji are a spirited side, and will doubtless paste the Japanese and Canadians in their Pool. Were they to achieve a miracle and disappoint the Welsh there is every chance they could make the Quarters. I doubt it but.

Fiji play Japan on 12 September, the Canucks on 16 September, will be pasted by the Criminal Element on 23 September, and face off the Welsh on the 29th.

So, the number one thing to look out for in Fiji? The military. The buggers are as mad as snakes.

The GOAT 15

Below is former English captain Martin Johnson's All-time World Cup 15.

MARTIN JOHNSON'S ALL-TIME XV:

15: Serge Blanco (France)
14: Joe Roff (Australia)
13: Philippe Sella (France)
12: Danie Gerber (South Africa)
11: Jonah Lomu (New Zealand)
10: Jonny Wilkinson (England)
9: Gareth Edwards (Wales)
8: Wayne Shelford (New Zealand)
7: Michael Jones (New Zealand)
6: Richard Hill (England)
5: Colin Meads (New Zealand)
4: Frik du Preez (South Africa)
3: Jean-Pierre Garuet (France)
2: Sean Fitzpatrick (New Zealand)
1: Jason Leonard (England).

Not to be outdone, three of the Dropkicks have come up with their own 15s. Note we’re not a fan of Roman numerals here so it’s 15 not XV.

Mike’s All-time-hating All-time 15

I hate all-time 15s!

If you ask me (and we did – Ed.), a team from today would destroy the older teams. Today's teams are not necessarily more skilful (although with today's larger population base, I'd say there are more skilful players per team than there used to be), I think they'd just monster them with size. Today's professional athletes are bigger, faster, and stronger. I'd say the only place yesterday's teams would be able to compete or be better is in intelligence.

Having said that, here is an all-time 15:

15. Christian Cullen (no contest here; sorry all you Blanco lovers)
14. David Campese (he's usually a left winger, but I think he'd be able to handle the right side ok. Just beats out John Kirwan)
13. Philipe Sella (he was that good)
12. Danie Gerber (he was that good too; although Mike Gibson was pretty good too)
11. Jonah Lomu (it's scary to think what he could have done if he'd ever been 100% fit)
10. Jonny Wilkinson (Dan is potentially better, but Jonny's won a World Cup; Barry Johns was good too)
9. Graeme Bachop (terribly under-rated)
8. Zinzan Brooke (beats out Buck because he's a more complete footballer)
7. Michael Jones (another cut down by injury and his Christian beliefs)
6. Dean Richards (only because I can't think of anyone better)
5. John Eales (hands down a special player)
4. Colin Meads (can't go past him)
3. Kevin Skinner (the enforcer)
2. Sean Fitzpatrick (no contest)
1. Carl Hayman (bit of a big call as I think he still has a way to go, but the best in the world at the moment plus see my reasoning above re today's professional athletes = all class)

Dom’s No-Talking-Just-The-Best 15

15. Cullen (hands down our best attacking weapon)
14. Goldie Jeff Wilson (Pace, smarts, confidence - complete package)
13. Bunce (Not the quickest, but the smartest and hardest tackler of his generation)
12. Tim Horan (complete midfield back)
11. Lomu (at his best, unstoppable)
10. Fox (kepping it warm for Dan, but best tactical kicker, and could take the hit)
9. Gregan (113+ tests, multi world cup winning, head and shoulders above the rest)
8. Buck (Leader, uncompromising)
7. Jones (Possibly the best footballer ever)
6. Pienarr (Bit like Sideline, number 6s dont stand out for me, but another great leader)
5. Eales (Excellent allround athlete)
4. Pinetree (His nick name's Pinetree FFS!)
3. Olo Brown (Strong silent, let his rugby do the talking)
2. Fitzy (The best)
1. An Argentinian (they make the best front row scrummagers)

Hadyn’s Statistical Demolition 15

15. Andrew Gavin Hastings (227 points in World Cups)
14. Rory Underwood (just really for a point of difference otherwise it would’ve been Campese)
13. Daisuke Ohata (world record try scorer, more than Campo)
12. Brian Lima (four freakin World cups!)
11. Jonah Lomu (such a legend)
10. Jonathan Peter Wilkinson OBE (he’s got a frickin’ OBE!)
9. George Gregan
8. Zinnie
7. Richie McCaw (and I’ll tell you why, despite not having the World Cup stats this guy has every other match notched up. It is rare not to see him leading tackles, first to the breakdown and turnovers. If I’m allowed, at least, one rugby machine in my team, I pick Richie.)
6. Pienarr (because I just don’t know any others)
5. Did somebody say John Eales?
4. Colin Meads (I got yer legends right here!)
3. Jason Leonard (23 matches including a very important one in 2003)
2. Sean Fitzpatrick (what am I, nuts?)
1. Jacobus Petrus “Os” du Randt (nothing like a big South African monster in the front row)

Noizy’s Last Minute Refinement 15

Same team as Dom but with Mehrts in for Foxy, Zinny in for Buck, and Os Du Rant in the front row.

World Cup Country Profiles - Australia

It's a well known fact that Australians steal everything. They can't help it.

Evidence. 1991, Michael Lynagh stole a match-winning try against Ireland in the dying seconds of their quarterfinal match on their way to being World Cup Champions for the first time.

Evidence. 1999, Australia stole the Championship crown from the Frenchies, post-euphoric after that semi-final against the All Blacks and possibly still a little dazed that they had made it that far. Australia then became the only country to have won the World Cup twice. Bastards.

Evidence. 2003, Australia stole New Zealand’s share of the World Cup hosting rights. New Zealand contributed mightily to this, of course, but probably should have realised, after spending the greater part of 200 years as a neighbour to the Australian nation, that you should never leave shiny things out for Australians to take notice of. Stealing is stealing. And then to rub it in, Stirling Mortlock stole a loopy pass from Carlos Spencer during their semi-final match and sealed another early exit for the All Blacks. The only reason the Aussies didn’t win in 2003 is that in the days preceding the final the English padlocked Jonny Wilkinson’s boots together, stored them inside a gigantic safe at a secret location, set up those little laser light thingies and had a detachment of SAS running security. True story.

One wonders what feats of criminality the Australians will come up with this year. A look at the class they have in their backs, you might question that they should ever need to resort to tying Dan Carter’s shoelaces together, or pulling Schalk Burger’s hair. Stirling Mortlock, George Gregan, Stephen Larkham, Chris “The Pirate” Latham, Matt Giteau, Lote Tuqiri. A backline to match most in the world.

The problem for Australia is their forward pack, and especially their front row. The lack of forward power is another reason besides genetics why they will likely resort to dastardly deeds to lay their hands on the William Webb Ellis trophy. They have a number of (dis)honest toilers, but only one or two genuine class players, and in the main the forwards are not of the same calibre as previous Australian teams, such as the team of 1999-2002. There's probably a reason they're wearing man bras this year.

We caught a glimpse of their tactics during the Tri-Nations matches, especially the first Bledisloe Cup in Melbourne. Knowing that they were going to get monstered in the scrum, one Australian prop (you know who you are) masterminded a policy of “they can’t push if we’re all face-planted on the ground” (and he amazingly got away with it for most of the match). This was, of course, a slight twist on the theme the Australians displayed at Twickenham against England last year, which was the “they can’t push if we don’t have any props on the field” version. Expect more variations on the theme to follow.

Australia will, as usual, be there or thereabouts come the World Cup: they have that nous that most criminal masterminds have, and they are the second ranked team at the moment, but you have to wonder whether their lack of firepower up front will be the deciding factor, something which may come into play as early as their likely quarterfinal.

Australia start their campaign against Japan at Lyon on September 8. They then face Wales at Cardiff on September 15, Fiji at Montpellier on September 23 and finally Canada at Bordeaux on September 29. They, like New Zealand, have drawn a relatively weak group and should qualify top of their pool. It is up to Wales to disprove that theory. Coming top means a likely encounter with either England or South Africa in the quarterfinals. Should they win that, then it’s likely to be the All Blacks in the semi-finals. If they take the trophy this year, they will have either deserved it or they will have nicked it.

TV3 RWC no-ads workaround

TV One's Facelift suggest another way in which TV3 might sidestep the no-Sunday-morning-advertising ban...

World Cup Country Profiles - England

World Cup Country Profiles

Over the next few weeks the Dropkicks will be bringing you our take on this year's entrants in the Rugby World Cup.

England:

When we were dishing out the countries to profile, I realised that I had been (or was going) to every country on my list (England, Portugal, Japan and the USA). Excellent, I thought, this will be the perfect chance to impart some of the cultural idiosyncrasies and stereotypes I observed into my posts.

Hence, the English team will be surly, pushy, self-important, they might stab you, and they will drink the world’s worst coffee. Apart from the coffee part that fits the English team to a tee.

Since winning the William Webb Ellis Cup back in ’03 the Rose has had a spectacular reversal in form, which started in 2004 with a couple of drubbings by an angry All Black team.

In 2006 England played three internationals that resulted in 3 losses, one to Argentina. This year hasn’t been much better as England suffered 4 losses including record breaking losses to Ireland and South Africa.

Their winning coach has left and even the return of the oft-injured Cup hero Johnny Wilkinson hasn’t helped. It won’t help that England’s pool contains not one but two of their strongest rugby opponents. No, not the French. South Africa and Samoa.

Samoa physically bashed England in their World Cup match in 1995 and in 2003 came very close to beating the eventual winners. And as I mentioned above South Africa has already humiliated England twice this year.

Of course we have the English to thank for the resurgence of the drop-goal as a method of scoring (and how apt that they won the cup with that particularly poxy tactic). And the irony of the Springboks beating them at their own game must, surely, rankle the English who despise irony.

The English also rank quite highly on the ugliest team rankings. While our boys in black strut the catwalks for Armani and Versace and even our scrummagers pose nude for art, the English team tend to look like the peasants in Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail.

The New Zealanders tend not to like the English much either. We’ve had a few dust ups over the years (see the video) but it doesn’t look like we’ll be meeting the English anytime before the semi-finals.

England will start off easy with the USA on September 8 in Lens before slamming head-first into South Africa on the 14^th in Saint-Denis. This means they will be softened up to face Samoa in Nantes on the 22^nd. English finish the Pool matches with Tonga on the 28^th in Paris.

World Cup Country Profiles - Kingdom of Tonga

Well, what is there to say about the Kingdom of Tonga?

Tonga is a pacific nation of 116,000 people living in what you could only describe as tropical paradise. It's a small place, but has been fiercely independent since the pre-Colonial era. Once upon a time, Tonga was the boundary between Melanesia and Polynesia, with itinerant nations having to migrate through Tonga to get to the wider Pacific. This lead to a legendary martial culture, and a strongly centralised people. When most Polynesian atolls were still a collection of villages, the Tongans had a recognised King.

So how does this translate to Rugby you ask?

Good question.

It'll be classic running rugby. 'Ikale Tahi, the Tongan national team, are a big, tough, combative side. We can expect to see lots of movement, though not necessarily close coordination, and lots of big hits on the opposition. Here's the World Cup squad here.

Fast and loose with the ball, 'Ikale Tahi aren't the most sophisticated team in the competition, but are the 14th ranked team in the IRB, which places them above other teams including the USA and former giant-killers Romania. They'll certainly have to be approached with some respect, especially if you're wanting to make it to the semi-finals with few injuries.

'Ikale Tahi are in Pool A, which we can expect South Africa and England to emerge from. The September 14 match between these two is probably what most will tell you to watch out for.

But, my pick is September 16, 'Ikale Tahi v. Manu Samoa. Here's how it'll likely start.


'Ikale Tahi have four fixtures this World Cup.
September 12 vs. The USA.
September 16 vs. Manu Samoa.
September 22 vs. South Africa (ouch).
And, September 28 vs. England (hopefully a spoiler...).
Then they'll go home.

So, in a final word, what to look out for? Great big guys running real fast, directly at the opposition.

The Art of War

One of the most fun things to look out for this World Cup will be the rival haka performed by the Polynesian teams.

There's been talk of a Zulu war dance performed by the Boks, but consensus is that this is probably, you know, bullshit. Would be a well good surprise to actually see it happen though.

Anyhow... as part of the run-up to the World Cup the Dropkicks are putting up lots of information for the discerning reader. As part of the marathon of youtubing this seems to require, I found this wee gem.



"Staunch" is the word we used to use when I was as young as dumb.

It's going to be good to see the professionals getting as wound up.

Rico's New Gear - Reverse

We here at the Dropkicks have been defending Rico Gear for some time. We still rail against his omission from the All Blacks World Cup Squad. However, Rico’s latest move may have gone too far.

Gear has negotiated himself out of the province that allowed him to play for the Crusaders in the Super 12, Tasman. When Canterbury signed Kevin Senio from Bay of Plenty in 2005 they used up their quota of All Black transfers, so Gear moved to the Tasman Union (then Nelson Bays).

But since joining Tasman, Gear played only four matches for Nelson Bays in 2005 and three for Tasman last year. And now Tasman have “loaned” him to Canterbury for the rest of the Air New Zealand Cup.

Gear’s excuse for wanting to play for Canterbury is "first and foremost I wanted to stay with my young family; it just makes life a lot easier. We bought a home in Christchurch which is just 150m away from the Canterbury training ground. I was just keen to be near my home" Gear said.

This naturally begs the question: why didn’t you buy a house closer to your home ground rather than a hefty commute away? The answer is of course that Gear never had any intention to play for the province that was investing time, money coaching experience and salary cap-space in him.

Moreover at the end of this year Gear is heading to England to play for Worcester. How much closer is England to his house in Christchurch?

And what does Tasman get in return? A dirty great big kick in the bollocks that’s what! Tasman will receive nothing in return for, what is in every other professional sport, called a “trade”. Trade implies both parties get something, in this case Canterbury get an All Black quality player with the versatility to play wing and centre-cover, while Tasman got the aforementioned kick in the dolallies and a bit of salary cap space (that they will spend on…?).

Quite frankly this is the most selfish thing I have seen a player do in recent years. Gear packed a sad when he wanted to leave North Harbour, he grumbled for two seasons in Tasman/Nelson Bays and now he has held his breath and stamped his feet to worm his way out of a contract (a freaking contract!) to play for the team he likes best.

Rico you have just nominated yourself for Dick of the Week.

World Cup Country Profiles - Portugal

Over the next few weeks the Dropkicks will be bringing you our take on this year's entrants in the Rugby World Cup.

First up: Portugal (by Hadyn)

Portugal:

Back in 2000 my partner and I took a trip to Europe. "Where are you going?" people would ask us, and we would reply "Portugal". "Oh", they would answer, "where's that?"

As we wandered the various geographic features of Portugal (hills, valleys, dells, dales etc) and through their beautiful cities we noted many things. First we noticed that Portugal has something in common with New Zealand; we are both small nations next to a much larger and more famous country. A country that they HATE. And really hate, I mean we don't like Australia but at least the buggers never invaded us!



The second thing we noticed is that the Portuguese are really quite lazy. Seriously lazy. Standing outside of cafes smoking and looking around was a national pastime. And as for rugby...

Our friend, who we were visiting in Coimbra (a university town in the north), said that just by saying you were from New Zealand would get you selected to a representative rugby team in Portugal. So how did they get from taking anyone who had "Aotearoa" written on their passport to being the 21st ranked team in the world? (One place higher than Spain, take that!)

Part of the answer is the coach Tomaz Marais. One of the youngest coaches in international rugby and a former Portuguese international (22 caps), Morais was the mastermind behind Portugal's qualification for their first ever Rugby World Cup and has now turned his attention to ensuring his charges as fully prepared for their historic debut. Moraiz was even nominated for the IRB Coach of the Year award in 2004.

"We've shared moments of very strong emotions during the qualifying games for the World Cup" says Marais. "That made us bond with each other more. It's' a very strong relationship we have now between all the people, the technical staff and the players." Lovely.

My underdog team is usually Japan but this year it's Portugal. Their laid back attitude appeals to me (as does their national drink). Their bright red uniforms leave a bit to be desired however. And have a look at them, they ain't the prettiest. Hell some of them aren't even in uniform and at least one photo looks like a mugshot.



Of course on September 15 this nice bunch of lads will meet the All Blacks in Lyon and the All Blacks will run them down like a frightened possum in the headlights of a tank.

Portugal's first match is against Scotland on September 9 in St Etienne, then they meet the All Blacks in Lyon on the 15th, Italy in Paris on the 19th and finally Romania in Toulouse on the 25th.

The Paris Hilton: A great place to get banged up

The Dropkicks are keen as beans for the World Cup to roll around, as we're sure you all are as well. While the heartland well and truly pounding one another is always a worthy spectacle, we're looking forward to the sights and sounds of Paris being sent down the wire to us here in good old Enzed.

Mind you, what we won't be able to experience first hand are those intangible things. The food. The wine. The nightlife.

To compensate we're doing our best by trying to consume some good cheese, drink some good wine, and ponder the meaning of life in cafes.

It's a tough job, especially when you have to deal with stinky cheeses named "Artisanal". But someone has to carry the can.

After all, we reckon the All Blacks will like to know that we're not abandoning them to their fate their in Paris, city of lights.

The Dropkicks have been a little concerned however, especially since discovering this video. The questions we asked ourselves being, "what in the hell is this all about?"

and

"Wtf is that giant white dome thing?"

and

"Are the All Blacks being asked to sleep in a big tent for the duration of the cup?"

Watch for yourself.

Now, there's no sound... so... what the hell? What happened to the Hilton?

We did read somewhere that it's some kind of expo tent for New Zealand. Being Kiwis, and always insecure about our place in the world, someone is bound to half-fill that tent with helium, and have a few dozen people in "Steinlager Green" T-Shirts and jandals running about yelling "Kiwis aeh! We're ok!" in little squeaky voices.

Anyone who can confirm or deny that wee cultural cringe, or WTF is wrong with that video, is welcome to comment.

The Dropkicks - 2007 - Episode 24

The Dropkicks look back at the final and deciding game of the 2007 Tri-Nations series; the All Black selections for the upcoming Rugby World Cup; follow Scott Dixon's ongoing winning ways in Indy Car racing; corruption in the NBA refereeing circles; a moments silence for Jarrod Cunningham; and Dick and Athletes of the Week.

Download Episode 2007/24.

Yes. We had to get in on the act.

In the spirit of Te Wiki O Te Reo Māori we here at Dropkicks thought we'd bring you a little Te Reo.

A really little Te Reo.

In fact, a little, gingery, squeaky Te Reo.

Now, apparently every man and his dog has seen the video we're linking to, so, we, in the spirit of good humour, have decided to put it up here on the blog. Just in case your the only person who hasn't seen it yet.

Now, this does not mean that we endorse confectionery haka.

No. If some smart-arse tries to turn Te Kapa O Pango into a bunch of liquorice allsorts prancing about like they're gunna pwn the candy store... the Dropkicks will be calling the PC-Police.

This is our man here, to your right.

And why I hear you ask?

Because the Dropkicks take the Haka very seriously.

Almost as seriously, in fact, as the Tongan team shown below (about 40s in).


These guys know that the Haka is not to be trifled with.

And no... no friggin dancing trifles either...

So here's the video. Two million hits they reckon!

Stats-porn

Some stats from this weekend's match between the All Blacks and the Wallabies.

New Zealand gave up 5 penalties to Australia's 13!

NZ’s penalty offences:

Tackle (going off feet) = 1 (Robinson/McCaw)

Ruck (offside entry) = 2 (Woodcock/Oliver, McAlister)

Scrum (binding) = 1 (McCaw)

Obstruction/taking out player = 1 (Robinson/McCaw)

Australia's penalty offences:

Tackle = 4

Ruck (offside) = 2

Ruck (hands) = 1

Offside (general) = 2

Lineout (offside) = 1

Scrum (binding) = 2

Throwing ball away = 1

And now the all important First Three to the Breakdown
(* means they were a sub)

First 3 to Breakdown
McCaw	33 (15+18)
Hayman	30 (18+12)
Robinson	28 (16+12)
Jack	28 (13+15)
Woodcock	24 (12+12)
So'oialo	20 (7+13)
Collins	11 (4+7)
Mealamu*	9
Howlett	9 (5+4)
Oliver	7 (5+2)
Muliaina	7 (2+5)
Carter	6 (1+5)
Kelleher	5 (4+1)
McAlister	4 (1+3)
Toeava	4 (1+3)
Rokocoko	4 (1+3)
Evans*	1

For the complete stats go to Tracey Nelson's column on Haka.co.nz

Sweet Baby Jesus

Look, I'd like to say right now that I have a lot of respect for Byron Kelleher.

I really would.

But. I can't.

Frankly, while the guy might on the good day be on the ball like a fat man on a sandwich, this type of theatrics just plain pisses me off.

Look at him there, singing his little heart out. Woodcock is there too, saying, "Bloody good on you mate. Wrong words, but good on you for trying." Muliaina is kind of leaning away from Byron there though, and thinking, "Shit, busted on camera with this guy. Again."

But it is the anthem after all, a time for passion and damp eyes out there in the freezing rain when you know you're going to hand the Wallabies their arses on a plate.

The haka is something different though. Why in the hell TV cameramen insist on showing this idiot is completely beyond me...

Note to self guys, the haka is not about enthusiasm. Any damn fool can be enthusiastic.

The haka is about inner strength. It's about te wehi, the awesome power. It's about the frickin' eye of the tiger. That look that says, "I'm going to completely demolish you, your team, your coach, the team masseur, and that guy there carrying the water. Yeah... and just you try and stop me..."

It's not about some bloke waving his arms like an albatross before bursting into tears.

So do us all a favour and stop showing this embarrassment before every game. Focus on someone... anyone... but this. Please.

Crumbling standards

This is the most pathetic yet I reckon.

Wallabies Lock struck down by Deep Vein Thrombosis

The Wallabies have been forced into a late change for Saturday's Tri-Nations and Bledisloe Cup rugby test agains the All Blacks, with experienced No.8 David Lyons ruled out due to Deep Vein Thrombosis.

FFS!!!!!! it's only 2 centimetres apart!!!

They must have a team of monkeys working together on each story, none of whom know what the others are doing. No wait, thats mean to monkeys, even they know to throw their own shit out. Stuff continues to show a flagrant disregard for journalistic standards, starting right at the bottom with simple proof-reading. We have stated many examples both here on the blog and in the podcast.

I cant wait till Fairfax buy us out and we stand by and watch as the Dropkicks blogcast turns quickly and quietly to shyte.

The Hammer

The Dropkicks Discuss: Luke McAlister

Get ready for another brain-expanding installment of the Dropkicks' email conversation...

Che: Anyone believe this? McAllister Ready for Mortlock

Dom: Setting himself up for a big fall. I like the odds on Aussie. They are payin' four bucks!!! Could be worth a lazy $10.

Che: I keep thinking of the photo with him looking just plain scared.

Hadyn: I like it!

The All Blacks press commentary so far has been: "no we're ok" "I'm not a cheat" "ho ho we can still beat them ha ha"

What they need to be saying are things like:
"If the Aussies think they are so good why don't they stop cheating in the scrum?" and
"I am gonna fck up Mortlock so badly his family will need dental records to identify him"

Che: Spoken like someone who’s never been the little guy getting his ar$e handed to him by an evil wizard. [Hadyn has definitely been that person - ED]

Dom: Hey I thought Rocokoco wanted to be called Josevata from now on? Or has the lazy NZ media already decided that it cant be bothered.

Hadyn: I say the NZ Media couldn't think any puns or rhyming nicknames for Josevata ad went back to Joe.

and if McAlister made those claims then all he'd have to do is hit Mortlock once with a big frickin shoulder charge (Jacked. Up.) and it wouldn't matter what else he did (rather like Monsieur Chabal)

Che: Except for the consequent lack of a centre.

I can see you saying that the ABs need a bit more mongrel in them, but have you seen that ad with all the multi-coloured balls rolling down that hill?

One of them was McAlister bouncing off the evil wizard Mortlock.

Hadyn: Have you seen Mortlock?
He's not exactly Carl Hayman. And he's old, a quick shoulder to the jaw will keep him quiet.
As to McAlister's subsequent binning, well he's not really present at centre anyway (boom boom)

Che:I still think McAlister will trip over Mortlock’s zimmer frame before he gets anywhere near the guy.

The Dropkicks - 2007 - Episode 23

The Dropkicks review the penultimate game of the 2007 Tri-Nations (All Blacks v. South Africa at Christchurch), and discuss: a World Cup revamp; MLB's All-Stars game; F1 secret stealing; competitive eating (Kobayashi loses!); a javelin getting stuck in a long jumper; MLF v. MILF; and ... other stuff.


Download Episode 2007/23.

Kobayashi v. Joey Chestnut @ 2007 Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest - video highlights

As mentioned in the soon-to-be-released episode 23 of the podcast, here's the footage of Joey Chestnut's first ever victory over eating legend Takeru Kobayashi, at the 2007 Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest.

All Black Test Winning Streaks By City

These lists were taken from the Stuff website today.

All Blacks game streaks at test rugby cities:

Longest unbeaten streaks:

17: Auckland (1994-present)

14: Dunedin (1971-2001)

13: Christchurch (1977-94), Edinburgh (1905-present)

12: Brisbane (1929-92)

11: Sydney (1934-74), Auckland (1986-93)


Longest losing streaks:

4: Johannesburg (1949-76)

3: Cardiff (1905-1953), Durban (1928- 76), Sydney (1979-80)


Unbeaten streak at Auckland:

1994: drew with South Africa 18-18

1995: bt Canada 73-7, bt Australia 28-16

1996: bt Scotland 36-12

1997: bt South Africa 55-35

1998: bt England 40-10

1999: bt Australia 34-15

2000: bt Scotland 48-14

2001: bt South Africa 26-15

2002: bt Ireland 40-8

2003: bt Australia 21-17

2004: bt England 36-12

2005: bt British and Irish Lions 38-19, bt Australia 34-24

2006: bt Ireland 27-17, bt Australia 34-27

2007: bt France 42-11.

Wow, this means that the All Blacks have outscored their opponents in Auckland 630-277. And we have outscored or tri-nations rivals 44-33 (Sth Africa) and 151-99 (Aussie).

Note also that our winning streaks in Auckland and Edinburgh can get larger but none of losing streaks can. Sweet.

Media Scrum Replaces Actual Scrum

Jake White and John "Knuckles" Connelly have played the entire Tri-Nations so far in the press room firing salvos at the All Blacks (in what I believe is an attempt to have us on the backfoot come the World Cup).

Every day the sports news is just the latest Wallaby or Springbok press conference:

• Richie McCaw is a bad captain because he’s penalised too often
• Richie McCaw cheats too much and never gets penalised*
• The All Blacks worry too much about attacking and should concentrate on defence
• The All Blacks are too focussed on the winning the World Cup to win the World Cup
• The rotation policy is [insert adjective]

As you can see from my (grossly oversimplified and biased) list, the statements tend towards the ridiculous. The real problem seems to be that the press, both local and foreign, are running with these stories like they are fact. So much so that they have begun to predict the future.

Perhaps the worst thing is the local media running with these stories (like they are fact and not opinion) and putting unneeded and undeserved pressure on our team.

Before the Super 14 semi-finals the Crusaders were blasé about comments from the Bulls and were joking around confidently. The All Blacks have been the same before both the Wallaby and Springbok tests and have played very poorly.

Here is what I hope happens. We get angry.

We play the next few games (and all the World Cup games) like we did against England after the last Cup. We smash them. We play fast and angry. We hit them right up the middle and punch them in the lineout and ruck them and hurt them. But what we shouldn’t do is respond to them in the press room.

*Note: in the last test the penalty count was nine against NZ and nine against SA with McCaw being the cause of two of them.

Another Announcement from Africa

The Springbok’s plan for press conferences this year seems to be to just say whatever shit comes to the top of their heads.

The Springboks are now considering performing an old Zulu war dance to match the All Blacks' haka at the Rugby World Cup.

South African coach Jake White said, "The history books show that the 1926 Springboks performed a Zulu war dance in major matches on their tour.

"This is no gimmick, it is a part of our rugby history and tradition. I have heard old All Blacks sit in the grandstand and pick up the whole mood of the team just from the haka. All I am saying is that maybe it is time we revived a genuine tradition from the past of South African rugby."

White seems to be defending this a little too much. “No, no really, it’s genuine!”

But here is where White just starts making shit up. He claimed the Springboks were closer to tradition with their challenge than New Zealand was with the haka.

So the Springboks did this on one tour back in 1926 and the All Blacks have been performing Ka Mate continuously since the 1880s, but the Springboks are somehow closer to it? What about the new Kapa O Pango, a haka that was written especially for the team?

I look forward to seeing this war dance and hope it will bring some fiery responses from the likes of Tonga, Samoa and Fiji as well as New Zealand. The traditional nationalism of rugby is often what sets it apart in the sports world. England has its Sweet Chariots, Wales it’s Bread of Heaven, the Pacific nations have their various haka and siva tau, Australia has (for some reason) Waltzing Matilda. Other teams adopting their own national symbolism would be amazing and help the ailing international tests.

Perhaps the French could have a bottle of wine or the Irish could sip a Guinness, that would be great.

Alternative Rugby Commentary - promo

The latest bit of genius from the guys over at the Alternative Rugby Commentary...

Bulls 2 - Runners 0

The Running of the Bulls is an annual bit of animal cruelty that takes part in Pamplona, Spain, as part the nine-day festival of San Fermín.

This year's highlights included a fantastic goring of a couple of gormless American brothers, speared by a bull at the same time - and nearly in the same bit of anatomy.

As you can see, Michael Lenahan took a horn up the arse (or 'buttocks' as reported by the Cleveland Leader), but brother Lawrence failed to complete the symmetry of the moment by only allowing the rampaging bovine to stab him in the upper leg.



A photo which brings new meaning to the phrase - 'I'm gonna rip you a new arsehole'.

More pix here.