Cricinfo commentary: "It's been distinctly average."

With this particular Dropkick doing most of his cricket watching via the text commentary on Cricinfo, I've always appreciated the small nuggets of humour and personality that come through with the generally rather dry ball-by-ball descriptions. And last night's thumping of the English team by the resurgent Black Caps saw some of the best text commentary I've ever read.

It would seem the comments team on duty was predominantly English, for as the match wore on to its inevitable conclusion, the commentary became more wry, more resigned, and, as a result, a lot funnier. Here's some highlights from the conclusion, but it's worth checking out the commentary in its entirety to unearth even more comedic nuggets of gold for yourself...

41.6 - Patel to Plunkett, no run, defended. Go on son, give it some humpty, I dare you!

43.2 - Vettori to Plunkett, no run, defended down the pitch. "Hit out or get out!" as we used to yell to our Boycottesque opener at school. This is beyond dismal.

46th over...
John, who describes himself as "an Australian fan - writes: "You guys suck - the standard of text commentating has been poor on this site for the past year. Just comment on the shots and what happens on the field. Keep your stupid, unfunny thoughts to yourselves. Thanks, John. So unfunny that he keeps reading it despite being unamused for a year.

47th over...
"Nice chap that John," emails Toby. "Maybe he should keep his stupid unfunny thoughts to himself as well." We would pass your message on but he wasn't man enough to use a real email address ....

48th over...
Apologies for those missing deliveries. Our technical team decided it was too exciting and pulled the plug early. I assure you, you missed nothing.

49.2 - Bond to Nixon, FOUR, width, and carved through the covers! England have saved the bonus-point! Joy, happiness and rapture.

49.6 - Bond to Nixon, 1 wide, bouncer! And it's too short! Another chance to get there. Gosh, the artificial excitement is gripping.

49.6 - Bond to Nixon, OUT, short, swung into the leg-side, Jacob Oram dives forward and clings onto a blinder! And that is a suitably anticlimatic end to another desperate performance.

Congratulations to New Zealand, who have once again shown the sort of prowess in one-day cricket that England so palpably lack. That's it from me, Andrew Miller, and my co-commentators, Jenny Thompson and Martin Williamson. It's been distinctly average.

Wayne Rooney: goal v. Portsmouth

Wayne Rooney shows a nice touch when he shapes to cross, or maybe to blast one home, but then chips the goalie from the edge of the goalbox. Nice.



From Manchester United's 2-1 win over Portsmouth.

The Dropkicks - 2007 - Episode 01

Yes, we're back, better, badder, and, thanks to various technical hitches and non-related work deadlines, later than ever.

This week: some Super 14 pre-season analysis, A1GP, Australian Open Tennis, Dakar Rally, World Record Distance Skateboarding, Beleaguered NZ Knights season review, and other bits and pieces...

Download Episode 37.

The '85 Bears

As promised (in a yet to be posted podcast) The Superbowl Shuffle. This was a music video made by the 1985 Chicago Bears just before their first trip to the Superbowl (confusingly in 1986). They are only slightly better than Brett Lee.

Enjoy

Super Bowl Shuffle - video powered by Metacafe

When hoardings attack

A combination of wind and poorly anchored advertising hoardings leads to some interesting scenes at an American soccer game. The most amusing aspect of it all is that the first instinct of the players who get hit is to fall to the ground, clutching their faces in an effort to get a free kick.

The Dropkicks - Episode 37, Christmas Special

Those of you on the iTunes or RSS feed have probably heard this already, but we all forgot to upload it to the blog site, so, belatedly, here it is, the Christmas special, direct from Noizy's backyard, and featuring a selection of 'amusing' out-takes and anecdotes that didn't quite make the cut the first time around...

Download Episode 37.



And, rest assured, the Dropkicks will be returning in the very near future: our first cast is scheduled for recording next week.

Brett Lee - #4 with a bullet

Unbelievably, Aussie quick bowler Brett Lee is currently at #4 on the Indian music charts with this tune "You Are the One For Me" - a duet performed with Bollywood legend Asha Bhosle.

Warning, crap.



Some of the quotes from the Youtube site are priceless...

eww gross the song sounds like a kangaroo vomiting butter chicken ew ew eww. brett lee you must stick to waltzing matildas less than twice his age at least and asha jee should stick to being a good respectable octogenarian (sorry auntie jee you asked for it). if you had to squeeze the goodness out of it (and you'd be squeezing for weeks) it would be the crass humour in the video and the bad hindi that still makes some people laugh and the "cross culture" thing - well at least they tried.

This is shit. And Yellow shit.

isnt brett just amamzing , such a talent. pin up boy of cricket.

Each to their own, I suppose...

Black Caps Fail with Failure

From the ever-excellent Kiwi Herald...

In a display of extraordinary ineptitude the Moenui Black Caps yesterday threw away a chance to achieve their worst-ever defeat when a re-called Craig Macmillan scored a boundary from his helmet when attempting to duck under a yorker.

Before a crowd that turned feral as the outcome unfolded, the locals failed to take a single wicket during the visiting Motumurali team's fifty overs and then stumbled to eight runs for nine wickets when a terrified Macmillan threw himself on the pitch as the Motumurali fast-bowler Vaste, attempted to destroy the stumps.

The ball struck Macmillan's helmet and raced away to the boundary to a chorus of booing as the black-caps surpassed the eleven runs amassed by their forbears 20 years ago, when the famed 1987 team lost to a family of muslim market gardeners from Manningville.

Read on here...

Beleaguered Resurgent NZ Knights

Dropkicks correspondent Livs suggests that, in light of their new management, coach, and two wins on the trot (one over reigning champions, Sydney FC), that our favourite under-performing soccer team - the Beleaguered NZ Knights - be renamed to better reflect their newfound game-winning ability.

It shall be so. From henceforth, until they become beleaguered again, the team shall be known as...

The Resurgent NZ Knights.