Cricinfo commentary: "It's been distinctly average."

With this particular Dropkick doing most of his cricket watching via the text commentary on Cricinfo, I've always appreciated the small nuggets of humour and personality that come through with the generally rather dry ball-by-ball descriptions. And last night's thumping of the English team by the resurgent Black Caps saw some of the best text commentary I've ever read.

It would seem the comments team on duty was predominantly English, for as the match wore on to its inevitable conclusion, the commentary became more wry, more resigned, and, as a result, a lot funnier. Here's some highlights from the conclusion, but it's worth checking out the commentary in its entirety to unearth even more comedic nuggets of gold for yourself...

41.6 - Patel to Plunkett, no run, defended. Go on son, give it some humpty, I dare you!

43.2 - Vettori to Plunkett, no run, defended down the pitch. "Hit out or get out!" as we used to yell to our Boycottesque opener at school. This is beyond dismal.

46th over...
John, who describes himself as "an Australian fan - writes: "You guys suck - the standard of text commentating has been poor on this site for the past year. Just comment on the shots and what happens on the field. Keep your stupid, unfunny thoughts to yourselves. Thanks, John. So unfunny that he keeps reading it despite being unamused for a year.

47th over...
"Nice chap that John," emails Toby. "Maybe he should keep his stupid unfunny thoughts to himself as well." We would pass your message on but he wasn't man enough to use a real email address ....

48th over...
Apologies for those missing deliveries. Our technical team decided it was too exciting and pulled the plug early. I assure you, you missed nothing.

49.2 - Bond to Nixon, FOUR, width, and carved through the covers! England have saved the bonus-point! Joy, happiness and rapture.

49.6 - Bond to Nixon, 1 wide, bouncer! And it's too short! Another chance to get there. Gosh, the artificial excitement is gripping.

49.6 - Bond to Nixon, OUT, short, swung into the leg-side, Jacob Oram dives forward and clings onto a blinder! And that is a suitably anticlimatic end to another desperate performance.

Congratulations to New Zealand, who have once again shown the sort of prowess in one-day cricket that England so palpably lack. That's it from me, Andrew Miller, and my co-commentators, Jenny Thompson and Martin Williamson. It's been distinctly average.