Chabal wins the day for France

Our favourite Frenchman Sebastien Chabal scores a decisive late try in France's rugby win over England (held at Twickenham) over the weekend. (Final score: 16-21)

World Cup Country Profiles - England

World Cup Country Profiles

Over the next few weeks the Dropkicks will be bringing you our take on this year's entrants in the Rugby World Cup.

England:

When we were dishing out the countries to profile, I realised that I had been (or was going) to every country on my list (England, Portugal, Japan and the USA). Excellent, I thought, this will be the perfect chance to impart some of the cultural idiosyncrasies and stereotypes I observed into my posts.

Hence, the English team will be surly, pushy, self-important, they might stab you, and they will drink the world’s worst coffee. Apart from the coffee part that fits the English team to a tee.

Since winning the William Webb Ellis Cup back in ’03 the Rose has had a spectacular reversal in form, which started in 2004 with a couple of drubbings by an angry All Black team.

In 2006 England played three internationals that resulted in 3 losses, one to Argentina. This year hasn’t been much better as England suffered 4 losses including record breaking losses to Ireland and South Africa.

Their winning coach has left and even the return of the oft-injured Cup hero Johnny Wilkinson hasn’t helped. It won’t help that England’s pool contains not one but two of their strongest rugby opponents. No, not the French. South Africa and Samoa.

Samoa physically bashed England in their World Cup match in 1995 and in 2003 came very close to beating the eventual winners. And as I mentioned above South Africa has already humiliated England twice this year.

Of course we have the English to thank for the resurgence of the drop-goal as a method of scoring (and how apt that they won the cup with that particularly poxy tactic). And the irony of the Springboks beating them at their own game must, surely, rankle the English who despise irony.

The English also rank quite highly on the ugliest team rankings. While our boys in black strut the catwalks for Armani and Versace and even our scrummagers pose nude for art, the English team tend to look like the peasants in Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail.

The New Zealanders tend not to like the English much either. We’ve had a few dust ups over the years (see the video) but it doesn’t look like we’ll be meeting the English anytime before the semi-finals.

England will start off easy with the USA on September 8 in Lens before slamming head-first into South Africa on the 14^th in Saint-Denis. This means they will be softened up to face Samoa in Nantes on the 22^nd. English finish the Pool matches with Tonga on the 28^th in Paris.

The Dropkicks - 2007 - Episode 03

Dom flies solo this week. Or does he?

We review our (dreadful) first round picks, make our calls on the second round match-ups, a quick postmortem on the tri-series cricket, and retell one of the best wacky stories you'll ever hear (courtesy of Blind Hamish).

Download Episode 2007/03.

Cricinfo commentary: "It's been distinctly average."

With this particular Dropkick doing most of his cricket watching via the text commentary on Cricinfo, I've always appreciated the small nuggets of humour and personality that come through with the generally rather dry ball-by-ball descriptions. And last night's thumping of the English team by the resurgent Black Caps saw some of the best text commentary I've ever read.

It would seem the comments team on duty was predominantly English, for as the match wore on to its inevitable conclusion, the commentary became more wry, more resigned, and, as a result, a lot funnier. Here's some highlights from the conclusion, but it's worth checking out the commentary in its entirety to unearth even more comedic nuggets of gold for yourself...

41.6 - Patel to Plunkett, no run, defended. Go on son, give it some humpty, I dare you!

43.2 - Vettori to Plunkett, no run, defended down the pitch. "Hit out or get out!" as we used to yell to our Boycottesque opener at school. This is beyond dismal.

46th over...
John, who describes himself as "an Australian fan - writes: "You guys suck - the standard of text commentating has been poor on this site for the past year. Just comment on the shots and what happens on the field. Keep your stupid, unfunny thoughts to yourselves. Thanks, John. So unfunny that he keeps reading it despite being unamused for a year.

47th over...
"Nice chap that John," emails Toby. "Maybe he should keep his stupid unfunny thoughts to himself as well." We would pass your message on but he wasn't man enough to use a real email address ....

48th over...
Apologies for those missing deliveries. Our technical team decided it was too exciting and pulled the plug early. I assure you, you missed nothing.

49.2 - Bond to Nixon, FOUR, width, and carved through the covers! England have saved the bonus-point! Joy, happiness and rapture.

49.6 - Bond to Nixon, 1 wide, bouncer! And it's too short! Another chance to get there. Gosh, the artificial excitement is gripping.

49.6 - Bond to Nixon, OUT, short, swung into the leg-side, Jacob Oram dives forward and clings onto a blinder! And that is a suitably anticlimatic end to another desperate performance.

Congratulations to New Zealand, who have once again shown the sort of prowess in one-day cricket that England so palpably lack. That's it from me, Andrew Miller, and my co-commentators, Jenny Thompson and Martin Williamson. It's been distinctly average.

...how good would Ms Johansson have looked?

Some classic Guardian online commentary of the current Ashes test match (although, not online any more, it would seem), as spotted by Mike on Cricket...

117th over: Australia 392-6 (in reply to 551; Clarke 54, Warne 4) Seeing Giles get a wicket on this pitch, with Monty in the stands, is a bit like seeing Lorraine Kelly look radiant in a particular dress. It's nice and all but you can't help but wonder: how good would Ms Johansson have looked?

The ten best Ashes sledges

1. Mark Waugh to Jimmy Ormond on his Test debut, 2001: "Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're good enough to play for England."
   Ormond: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my own family."


2. Merv Hughes to Graeme Hick et al: "Mate, if you just turn the bat over you'll find the instructions on the other side."


3. Hughes again: "Does your husband play cricket as well?"


4. Mike Atherton, on Merv Hughes: "I couldn't work out what he was saying, except that every sledge ended with 'arsewipe'."


5. Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting: "Hell, Gatt, move out of the way. I can't see the stumps."


6. Derek Randall to Lillee, after taking a glancing blow to the head: "No good hitting me there, mate, nothing to damage."


7. Ian Healy, placing a fielder yards away at cover when Nasser Hussain was batting: "Let's have you right under Nasser's nose."


8. Tony Greig, England's South African-born captain, to the young David Hookes, 1977: "When are your balls going to drop, Sonny?"
   Hookes: "I don't know, but at least I'm playing cricket for my own country." Hookes hit Greig for five consecutive fours.


9. Rod Marsh, late Seventies: "How's your wife and my kids?"
   Ian Botham: "The wife's fine - the kids are retarded."


10. Bill Woodfull, Australia's captain in the Bodyline series of 1932-33, responding to Douglas Jardine's complaint that a slip fielder had sworn at him: "All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?"

[via Mike on Cricket]

The Dropkicks - Episode 32

The latest podcast is now up!

This week's episode is bought to you by the letter O (for awesome) and the score line of 47-3. In their usual mix of low information content and possibly entertaining buffoonery, the Mallet, the Mouth of the South and Sideline Mike discuss international rugby results from around the world, including the big matches from Dublin, London and Lyons; the stadium controversy in Auckland; a bunch of other stuff that's probably completely meaningless; some reader mail; another new Dick of the Week; another new Athlete of the Week; before finishing up with yet another Last Word.

Episode 32 (right click, save target as...)