The Art of War

One of the most fun things to look out for this World Cup will be the rival haka performed by the Polynesian teams.

There's been talk of a Zulu war dance performed by the Boks, but consensus is that this is probably, you know, bullshit. Would be a well good surprise to actually see it happen though.

Anyhow... as part of the run-up to the World Cup the Dropkicks are putting up lots of information for the discerning reader. As part of the marathon of youtubing this seems to require, I found this wee gem.



"Staunch" is the word we used to use when I was as young as dumb.

It's going to be good to see the professionals getting as wound up.

Yes. We had to get in on the act.

In the spirit of Te Wiki O Te Reo Māori we here at Dropkicks thought we'd bring you a little Te Reo.

A really little Te Reo.

In fact, a little, gingery, squeaky Te Reo.

Now, apparently every man and his dog has seen the video we're linking to, so, we, in the spirit of good humour, have decided to put it up here on the blog. Just in case your the only person who hasn't seen it yet.

Now, this does not mean that we endorse confectionery haka.

No. If some smart-arse tries to turn Te Kapa O Pango into a bunch of liquorice allsorts prancing about like they're gunna pwn the candy store... the Dropkicks will be calling the PC-Police.

This is our man here, to your right.

And why I hear you ask?

Because the Dropkicks take the Haka very seriously.

Almost as seriously, in fact, as the Tongan team shown below (about 40s in).


These guys know that the Haka is not to be trifled with.

And no... no friggin dancing trifles either...

So here's the video. Two million hits they reckon!

Sweet Baby Jesus

Look, I'd like to say right now that I have a lot of respect for Byron Kelleher.

I really would.

But. I can't.

Frankly, while the guy might on the good day be on the ball like a fat man on a sandwich, this type of theatrics just plain pisses me off.

Look at him there, singing his little heart out. Woodcock is there too, saying, "Bloody good on you mate. Wrong words, but good on you for trying." Muliaina is kind of leaning away from Byron there though, and thinking, "Shit, busted on camera with this guy. Again."

But it is the anthem after all, a time for passion and damp eyes out there in the freezing rain when you know you're going to hand the Wallabies their arses on a plate.

The haka is something different though. Why in the hell TV cameramen insist on showing this idiot is completely beyond me...

Note to self guys, the haka is not about enthusiasm. Any damn fool can be enthusiastic.

The haka is about inner strength. It's about te wehi, the awesome power. It's about the frickin' eye of the tiger. That look that says, "I'm going to completely demolish you, your team, your coach, the team masseur, and that guy there carrying the water. Yeah... and just you try and stop me..."

It's not about some bloke waving his arms like an albatross before bursting into tears.

So do us all a favour and stop showing this embarrassment before every game. Focus on someone... anyone... but this. Please.

Another Announcement from Africa

The Springbok’s plan for press conferences this year seems to be to just say whatever shit comes to the top of their heads.

The Springboks are now considering performing an old Zulu war dance to match the All Blacks' haka at the Rugby World Cup.

South African coach Jake White said, "The history books show that the 1926 Springboks performed a Zulu war dance in major matches on their tour.

"This is no gimmick, it is a part of our rugby history and tradition. I have heard old All Blacks sit in the grandstand and pick up the whole mood of the team just from the haka. All I am saying is that maybe it is time we revived a genuine tradition from the past of South African rugby."

White seems to be defending this a little too much. “No, no really, it’s genuine!”

But here is where White just starts making shit up. He claimed the Springboks were closer to tradition with their challenge than New Zealand was with the haka.

So the Springboks did this on one tour back in 1926 and the All Blacks have been performing Ka Mate continuously since the 1880s, but the Springboks are somehow closer to it? What about the new Kapa O Pango, a haka that was written especially for the team?

I look forward to seeing this war dance and hope it will bring some fiery responses from the likes of Tonga, Samoa and Fiji as well as New Zealand. The traditional nationalism of rugby is often what sets it apart in the sports world. England has its Sweet Chariots, Wales it’s Bread of Heaven, the Pacific nations have their various haka and siva tau, Australia has (for some reason) Waltzing Matilda. Other teams adopting their own national symbolism would be amazing and help the ailing international tests.

Perhaps the French could have a bottle of wine or the Irish could sip a Guinness, that would be great.

Another All Black team

Keith Robinson has replaced Chris Jack as Ali Williams' locking partner for the All Blacks' second test against France. This possibly just so we've got someone on our team as mad-crazy as the French #8, Sebastien Chabal.




Before the weekend's match Chabal could be seen staring at the Kapa O Pango Haka* like a hungry caveman. He then coughed the ball up three times before laying out Chris Masoe on the turf (best play by a Frenchman on the night).

*Note this is not the one from the weekend

Forwards: Tony Woodcock, Anton Oliver, Carl Hayman, Keith Robinson, Ali Williams, Jerry Collins, Richie McCaw, Rodney So'oialo
Backs: Byron Kelleher, Dan Carter, Luke McAlister, Isaia Toeava, Sitiveni Sivivatu, Josevata Rokococko, Leon MacDonald
Reserves: Keven Mealamu, Neemia Tialata, Chris Jack, Chris Masoe, Brendon Leonard, Conrad Smith, Nick Evans

Masoe had a terrible game this week and deserves the bench. Anything else you want to discuss?

Scottish response to the Haka

After all the brouhaha surrounding 'appropriate' responses to the All Blacks haka (after the debacle that was this year's test against Wales), some clever clog from Scotland has come up with a suitable reply from that part of the kingdom...

The Dropkicks - Episode 35

The Dropkicks have lunch at Chow, and between miso soup and assorted rice dishes discuss: Sevens Rugby; South Africa v. World XV; Beleagured NZ Knights; Athlete and Dick of the Week; and more...

Download Episode 35.

The Dropkicks - Episode 34

The latest podcast is now up!

This week the Dropkicks come to you without preparation, without the internet, but with the usual unusual mix of aplomb and stupidity. Despite these handicaps, we manage to review another week of top-notch sports action and news: International rugby, including the All Blacks v. Wales game and enusing haka controversy; South Africa v. England; Ashes Test Cricket. Dick and Athlete of the Week. Corrections and Clarifications. The Tri-Nations League Final Kiwis v. Australia. And the Beleagured New Zealand Knights.

Episode 34 (right click, save target as...)

The Haka Controversy

Graham Henry, some guy from the Welsh Rugby Union, and Richie McCaw have their say...